


Can I Love?

by suspensegirl



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: Angst, Dorota Kishlovsky - Freeform, F/M, Post 2x03, Reunion, Romance, marcus beaton mention, serena van der woodsen mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-12
Updated: 2008-09-12
Packaged: 2019-05-03 21:39:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14578224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suspensegirl/pseuds/suspensegirl
Summary: Post 2x03 - Weeks later, Chuck has put a temporary halt on pursuing Blair when he gets a surprising text from her in the middle of the night.





	Can I Love?

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd.
> 
> Original (extended) summary:
> 
> This takes place several weeks after episode 2x03. Chuck hasn't given up on getting Blair back, but he's lying pretty low for the time being, b/c he sees how happy Blair is with Marcus and he doesn't want to hurt her even if he feels there's some part of her that wants him. This starts in the middle of the night, Chuck is standing against a brick wall outside of school, same place when in 1x13 he saw Blair and Nate kissing and was filled with sadness. He is standing there now just thinking about everything with Blair when he receives a text…

Chuck stood in the corner, on the side of the building. It was pitch black out. He had been there so many times before. The most obvious one to his mind was the time he had been watching Nate and Blair make out. Blair had looked at him and gone back to kissing his best friend. He wasn't even angry in that moment. He was just so hurt. He finally couldn't watch anymore. He had turned and walked away.

There was another time that Chuck had been smoking and Blair passed him by. He shook his head. The end of that scene was filled with even more pain. Blair had caused him so much pain, despite his belief that he was not easily hurt by people. Ever. But Blair did something to him. She was his equal, and therefore completely capable of evoking anything she desired from him, except those three little words it seemed.

Chuck sighed, dropping his cigarette on the ground. He smoked when he needed to release some energy, some angst. Blair certainly caused him a great deal of anxiety.

The last few weeks had been so terrible and so wonderful at the same time. Very bittersweet. They had fought. They had been incredibly witty. They had shared looks. Looks of love, looks of desire. They had made out... Oh, and how incredible it had been. Serena had told him he wasn't over Blair and he decided to spite her by attempting to make love to every woman in the vicinity. It hadn't worked. They didn't have that Blair quality. No woman had what he wanted anymore, except for Blair; the one girl he couldn't seem to get out of his head, out of his system. And quite frankly, he didn't want to. He was crazy about her and the one thing that he couldn't stop beating himself up about was that he couldn't tell her he loved her. Blair had changed his complete outlook and he knew he couldn't live without her. But was he capable of love? He sure wanted to be. He wanted Blair in his arms. He wanted her eyes prowling over his the way he craved to put his lips on hers. He wanted-

His cell phone rang, interrupting his thoughts.

It was a text from Blair. She wanted to meet him at her place. He chuckled. _What could she want now?_ It wasn't that he had given up on winning Blair back. But she sure seemed happy with this Marcus guy and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. _Is that love?_ He sighed again. He didn't know, but he _did_ know he wouldn’t get Blair back without having a speech of love in his pocket. He couldn't tell her he didn't know if he loved her. That was almost worse than not saying it! He scratched the back of his neck, sent a reply to Blair and stuffed his phone in his pocket. He'd better go see what she wanted. Truthfully though, he just wanted to see her, to hear her voice, to chuckle at her wit, to smile at her beautiful face, a face that had been completely crazy about him before he had abandoned her. He shook his head. What an idiot he had been.

Chuck pulled out his phone and called for his limo, which was there within minutes. He slid inside the vehicle and was instantly brought back to that one-night stand with Blair, though it had been anything but a one-night stand. She was the only one that could've done that to him. He knew it. And even though he hadn't made love to her that day of the blackout, he could feel the jealousy crawling all over him and through him when he saw her kiss Marcus again. He wanted her to be happy. But it was so clearly obvious some part of her wanted to be with him when she hadn't resisted kissing him in the dark. He had hurt her so much, too much, but if she were true to herself he knew she wanted to be with him, just as much as he wanted to be with her. Maybe she loved him. Maybe that's why she wanted him to say it. Chuck sighed once again, fully aggravated with himself as he stepped outside of the limo when it came to a stop.

He strolled inside the Waldorf residence. The ride up the elevator was anything but amusing. The lame music reminded him much of the music at the Palace, and far too much that had gone on there. When he exited the premises, Dorota was there, standing in the foyer, dusting off some flowers and end tables. She eyed him suspiciously when she saw him.

"Mr. Chuck, Miss Blair is waiting for you upstairs."

He nodded, thanked her and headed up the stairs, trying not to be so rushed, going up the steps. But he couldn't help it. He was going insane. Blair hadn't asked to see him since that night after her "royal" party to impress Marcus. God, she had looked beautiful in her pajamas and he couldn't help but gaze deeply into her eyes as she exited the room, victorious. She was so hot when she won anything. He couldn't help but admire her. Chuck's heart was pounding now as he approached Blair's room. He wiped his hands on his pants briefly to remove the sweat.

The door was open. He walked in slowly, knocking lightly on the open door.

Blair turned to look at him. She was wearing a beautifully adorned silk nightgown, reaching just to mid-thigh, and she smiled at him when she entered, but he could see there were dried tears on her porcelain face. He grew concerned.

"Hey Chuck," she sniffled. "I didn't think you'd show."

He smirked. "I thought you knew me better than that by now."

She smiled and went to sit on her bed. She leaned back and let her hair flow across her shoulders. "Well forgive me if 'in your dreams' doesn't convince me," she teased.

He walked towards her and leaned on her dresser. "God, it's good to see you again, Blair."

She blinked away a smile, but it still came out. "You saw me at school this morning, Chuck," she said.

He smirked. "I know, but…"

She reached forward with her hand and started playing with his fingers.

He recoiled after a moment. "What are you doing, Blair?"

She stood up and sighed, now taking both of his hands in her own. "I broke up with Marcus."

Now he was really confused. His eyebrows furrowed.

She smiled again. "It was hard, but-"

"Is that why you were crying?" he asked tenderly.

She looked up. "Yeah, sort of" she said. "I mean, it was my dream. The whole royalty thing and all," she looked away.

He put his hand up to her face. He wiped away a silent tear that had joined the others.

She looked at him.

"Get him back, Blair. I can't stand to see you like this."

She blinked away the tears, but they kept coming. She sat on her bed again and he sat with her.

"What is it now?" he asked, wrapping an arm around her waist. They were both silent for a moment and Chuck could feel her breathing quicken.

"Oh God, Chuck," she turned to look at him. He looked so sincere. "Can you honestly be this way around me and still not love me?"

He sighed and removed his hand, looking down at the floor, completely paralyzed. He couldn't move. He didn't even know the answer to the question.

She looked away. She got up and paced. He turned to watch her. After some time, he asked, "Do you want me to leave?"

She stopped pacing and looked at him. She went to him on her knees and held his hands in her own. "No, Chuck. Please don't leave."

They both just existed in time, staring at each other. They didn't know what else to do, and they so desperately wanted to be with each other. Blair finally looked down at their hands, which were now playing with each other softly. She let a smile shine on her face once again. She looked at Chuck.

"I was dishonest with Marcus for so long."

Chuck sat and listened intently, though slightly confused.

"That's why I broke up with him. He's a sweet, amazing guy and I want what he was, but there's no way I can be with him honestly if...if..." she sighed.

"If what?" Chuck asked.

"If I'm still not over you," she spoke. It was as if an echoing canyon surrounded them. Neither could get what she said to stop resonating within their hearts and souls. Blair leaned forward and kissed his lips softly. He did not return it however and seemed to be more confused with his own thoughts than ever before.

She stood up and after a moment, and he stood with her. "Chuck, I asked you to come over because I want to be with you. I have to be with you. I'm sick of trying to live my life without you, without you kissing me..."

He smirked.

"Without you smiling at me..."

He grew serious.

"Without you looking at me, oh god, Chuck, I miss when you would look at me and couldn't honestly look anywhere else."

She sniffled.

He put a finger to her lips. "Shh,"

"No, I have to finish," she brought down his finger to rest in her hand.

He focused in on her, though allowing his mind to realize what was happening. Those tears she had been crying were not because she was losing a childhood dream. She thought he wasn't going to show up. She took his text seriously and thought Chuck Bass wasn't going to come see her. That she wasn't worth his time somehow. He shook his head slightly. _That was ridiculous!_

He redirected all of his attention on her. She hadn't started talking yet. She had known he was thinking.

"I don't know if you love me or not, Chuck, and that really is all I need to hear."

He sighed, once again disappointed in himself.

"But..." she said, bringing his gaze back to her, "I know you like me an awful lot. I know you're crazy about me..." she smiled.

And he looked at her like he wanted to kiss her badly, because everything she was saying was so completely accurate.

"And you know, not every guy is in love when they start dating. And even though you and I have already had some history...I think we can begin again. And I know, when you love me, you'll tell me."

He just looked on at her, in disbelief of what she said. He let go of her hands and crossed the room. "I just...I don't know if I can let you get hurt again," he said.

She turned to him with concern. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"What if I can't make you happy? What if I can't actually love you? I mean, am I even capable of love?" He forced a hand through his hair.

"Oh, Chuck..." she walked forward and wrapped her arms around him. She felt his hands clasp around her waist. She pulled her head back to look into his eyes. "What was it when you came together with Nate and me to help Serena in her hour of distress? What was it when you bought me that beautiful necklace on my birthday when everything was falling apart? What was it when you bailed Nate out of that awful card game and then again tried to help him with his financial issues recently?" She placed her hand on his chin and pulled him forward. She pecked his lips tenderly.

He gasped. "Oh god, Blair" he breathed.

"I believe you are quite capable of love, Chuck Bass," she smiled and kissed him again. This time he returned her kiss quite eagerly and tears flowed from his deep brown eyes.

"What is it?" she asked, sensing the wetness on his face.

"Nothing," he chuckled, and then he kissed her.

The next morning, Blair woke up, wrapped in Chuck's body on her bed. She danced her fingers across his chest and up to his nose. He grabbed it softly and kissed her fingertip. Blair smiled. "So, do we have a deal?"

He looked at her and smiled. They kissed tenderly for a few moments.

"Absolutely."

He sighed contently and leaned back against the pillows. He could never remember being this happy - not with Nate, not with Serena, not with any woman or any success or any person really. He knew now. He loved this girl.


End file.
